officially got rejected by all three universities. though i already expecting this outcome, when it happens, there's still a need to pluck up courage to face the cruel fact.

perhaps its true that there's no need to cry over spilled milk, but... its still disappointing. i promised that i hold my tears till the very end. and when it drops, its already the limit which i couldn't help it. my brain has so many whys. plenty of them.

why do i work so hard, yet i couldn't achieve what i wanted?
why is it that i can never do my parents proud?
why is it i have to disappoint them again and again?

in my close to 20 yrs of life, i have not accomplish anything that's worth parents to bring it up and be proud of. be it academics - i wasn't even in the dean's list, or top cohorts in secondary school, etc. piano - i didn't even complete the entire course. i gave up halfway as i gave excuses that i am busy with school stuffs. abacus - i left the last degree course to fully complete it.. but i gave up too because i wasn't interested by then.

what more could i ask for? my parents send me for all the extra enrichments that many children were not offered to... yet i let them down all the time.

if you ask me, is university that important? i would say yes, to me. i have never regret taking accountancy these years. its something that make me more aware of economics and the financial market which i totally have no idea on previously. it makes me feel grown up and has more topics for family discussion.

how pro can i be? study until no school wants me. LOL. mommy has been very understanding and all. trying to console me and encourage me on. i know daddy on the surface been giving me advices but deep down, he is disappointed with me. from the tone and the way he says, i can feel it. i know, because i'm his daughter.

perhaps graduation is not something to be proud of? afterall, my results ain't the best out of all.

really appreciated friends who encouraging me on, i know i have to move on in life, and this is perhaps just the first huge setback i have encountered. but its hard to actually achieve this you know brainwashing yourself, telling yourself how happy i should be since i work hard with no regrets and all :/

grant me time.