Everything seems to be crumpling down.. Friendships, studies, work. I lost the passion I used to have in work. I start to slack a little. My KPI seems to have dropped slightly. 

Studies not on the right track, behind schedule.. Too slow a pace for revision, or rather I have yet to start. Neither did I play a lot too... I just haven master the skill of juggling work n studies :( 

Friendships. Apart. Gone. The ones who were once closest slipped away. Treasuring the ones who stood by me till now. 

I yearn for a hug, a concern and a shoulder to lean on... One thing bf taught me was never bring unhappiness from work home... Well, I know. So I cry silently, didn't want daddy & mommy to worry. I know they dote me a lot.. Especially miss the times we get to spend a lot lot moments together. Can't wait for the family trip in oct, where we can all escape frm work a little, and relax ourselves. 

Thankyou bf for teaching me the hard way so I'm a stronger girl in working society now. If I'm the old self, I should have alr collapse right now. 

Blessed for what I have still. 

i know these 2 years is gonna be a very tough period for myself.. juggling between work, studies, family and friends. i have already seen myself drifting away from alot alot of friends, not because i want to, but already am maximizing out time for everyone i could do so. i'm so tired that i simply just needed rest, both mentally and physically.

the road ahead is tough, and rocky. but i chose this path myself. yeah, accounting might not be my first choice in life, but since i'm in it, i will do my very best to attain my career goal. people been telling me, work is not everything, i should learn to put some work down. but deadlines are flying everywhere. i want to reach the position i aim for myself during my prime age. i want to do my parents proud. i want them to know i can have a career of my own without them worrying for me.

for those who dont understand me, you will when you start a career yourself. and i couldnt care anymore, those who chose to leave and desert me just when i got very less time with you, so be it. true friends will not leave me behind like this. and for these people, i'm grateful for you and your understanding.

working in a society make me grow to know how each friend turn behind you and treat you like strangers. yeah, my heart is broken. but i'm thankful for you to let me know how much i'm worth in you. thats my worth. :/

today we talked about our future aft bond end.... and one question actually stumped me...

你觉得自己适合做 audit 吗?

i dunno how to answer... nobody is suitable for a career ... its everything that happens that shape us to be more align with our career....

she has a passion for dance. she wants to take up dance license to teach. but was forced to take up acca by her dad as dance was deemed to be "no prospect"... i have a similar encounter. i wanted to take up counselling. but my parents too think there's no future... do i really like accounting? but now that i've studies for years, is impossible to give up now. money, youth, time and cost. everything has been buried in there. there's no reason why i should give up now.sigh...

if i chose the other route of taking up counselling, will my life be different now? or perhaps its better that i am in what i am now. or else my life will be such a joke. imagine i'm a counsellor, yet i have tons of problems that i cant even unknot on my own.


end up, we both sigh and said "这就是人生啊！“ 。。。

headed to visit my grandparents today in conjunction with Qing Ming Festival...and most importantly i told my beloved ah ma " 你的孙女毕业了，做工赚钱了。她会学怎么照顾父母，你不用再操心了。"

even after 11 years, i still miss her alot. she's someone who cannot be replaced by anyone. the love and happiness she gave me during my childhood days is so memorable... it all seems just like yesterday.

i know all these years, she's been watching over me right on top... protecting me and loving me using her very special way. 

i'm sorry that 最后你最爱的人伤你最深.....perhaps you wont mind and you will simply pat her saying she's such a silly girl... but i'm still quite affected by it. i love you ah ma. you'll live in my heart forever.