hmmmm this got me into thinking:

bff - what does it really mean in my life?

serene once told me, ppl changes... they come and they go in our lives. yeah its true... but its just so hard to digest. oh well... when its just me who is experiencing the changes, then i guess thats my prob of defining someone... but if most ppl notices the change, then i suppose i'm not the root of the issue? i tried to talk to her about it... she claims there's no changes, from the start she's like this... so.... i guess i do not know her that well afterall? aft a decade of friendship, it went back to square. the unfamiliar kind of feeling is back. this is weird, but is true. we do not have any common topic anymore... i dont pin high hopes for any changes. i just feel i have to enjoy every moment i have with my fellow close friends.

i'm tired. i just hope one day when she suddenly thought of me and wants to be back on close terms with me... i will still be there for her.


am i suppose to let go slowly? who else can guide me through...

I really hate being caught in between situations. Especially between two people I care. I came to realise how hard it is to be in a relationship, not only having to care about my parents but also my boyf. 

Who can understand my woes? Every explanation I said to my boyf are excuses in his eyes. But they are the facts that my parents want me to do. To let my parents know how much boyf loves me, I told them all the good things. To let boyf have an idea of how nice my parents are, I didn't tell him some truths that my parents said.  Every sour I have to endure on my own. I have to apologies  and bend a humble pie to the other party (whoever it is) to get their forgiveness. 

I'm just a person. A typical girl in town. Used to think even when nobody in this world understand me, there's someone out there who will. But now, where's that person? I may be indebt to many ppl be it my past life, this life or whatsoever. But my parents didn't. They are not obliged to do anything for anyone. 

I'm so tired....not because I didn't try, but I tried so hard but to find out not much people out there appreciate me. I'm alw the one pleasing others, I really don't mind as long as they are happy. It's just sometimes pleasing others is tiring too, need a break and I will get back up again.