oh wells. just grumbling cause have a sudden thought that i'am always closest to the maternal side of relatives. yet they were the ones that made me teared the most. cousins have always been my true blood siblings kind of relationship since i was young. i was their centre of attention, and they dote me most (probably because i'm the youngest among them)... but nonetheless, we as one whole group is that c-l-o-s-e.... we laughed, played around, sing karaoke, danced, gossips about each of our own parents, etc...
yet this fact changed the moment each and every single one of them start dating, got married and has their own family... i know i shouldn't be jealous of them. i know now their attention has all been adjusted to their own children and this is a process i must learn and adapt... yet i don't understand why the drastic change? why cant they still show that small glimpse of concern to me? even not that frequent meetups and all, must it be only during cny that we get to meet? partly i guess because of their children who 'stole' the attention of my cousins made me hate children that much. i don't understand why such little monsters can have the power to change someone.
indeed, my cousins who are real siblings themselves still keep in close contact with one another.. infact because of their own children, the pair of brother and sister got closer in relationship. then i began to wonder. have they forgotten my existence? have they forgotten the fact that their little sister here still yearns for their pat on the head? the hug from them? and the smirk and joke to make fun of? :/
perhaps this is what's the difference between real siblings and cousins. i can never replace any of them and be part of their family. i'm born to be a loner, that's the downside of being an only child.
No comments:
Post a Comment