today's my ah ma 5th death annivesary ):

5 yrs ago.. when i was p6, she was being knocked down by a car when bringing me to sku..i appeared to be very strong in sch when i knew abt the accident. i was still giggling with frens, etc..until when i called my mom during recess, and she told me they decided to let her go. i was very depressed at that time. but i still have to continue my classes.. i was behaving jus as per normal, no one knows wad happened.. i walked home that day. alone. first time in my life, without anyone's accompany.

upon reaching home, godma came to my house, with dad, mom , grandpa... i went to bathe immediately, and cried thru-out... that shud be the longest shower i ever took. dad then phoned up all my relatives to inform them. and the next 3 days were just funeral and stuff. i was devastated. but i couldnt do anything. i know among all the grandchildren, ah ma dote on me the most. she was the one that brought me up. the one that take care of all my needs. the one that i loved most, much more than my parents.

once, she asked me if she die, will i cry? and i replied "no". but deep in my heart that wasnt the real answer. mayb thats wad ppl always say, we will onli start to cherish our loved ones when they left us.. totally...

from that very day, there's been a barrier between grandpa and i. cos i know that my relatives and grandpa still blames me for wad happened.. hopefully one day i will be able to melt the wall between grandpa and i (: thats the only thing i can do..showing more concern and visiting him more often.

some happy things too:

went shopping with mom to cheer each other up. bought cny stuff.. shud be 3/4 done le ba.dad got lotsa tees this yr haha all choosen by me!!! bright colours to make him look younger =D

for me, i bought 1 white heels, 1 black flats, 1 everlast tank top, 3 skirts from OP, undergarments DUH, 2 sets of pajamas, 2 tees, 1 brown jeans.

glad that i've got mom's company today!